Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
