she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
