Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize