so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
