I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
