So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
