Welp...herpes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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