Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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