your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
