Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
