i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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