never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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