I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
