Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize