Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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