Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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