you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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