just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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