so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
