I'm so fucking centered right now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
