i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She even gives head with a lisp.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
