The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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