the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
