Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
