Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
