Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
