i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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