he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
