I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize