i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
