I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
