Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
