Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
