i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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