Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
