Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
