You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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