I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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