Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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