His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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