i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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