If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My ass is underappreciated
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
