tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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