yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
