Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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