Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize