Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
