Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
