OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
