She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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