I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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