i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
