So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
