either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
