Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
