dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize