Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
