remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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