im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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