I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
