So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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