I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
