Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
