and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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