In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
