Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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