Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
