My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
