Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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