you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
