there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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