we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
