marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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