yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
