Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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