I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
