listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I love you.
Bad choice
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
