Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
