I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
