They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
