If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
