i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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