My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
