I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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