Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
